Welcome back to my blog fam, and today’s post is about true friendships.
What makes someone a real friend?
What is the difference between true and fake friends?
Who should you surround yourself with?
What is true friendship?
A true friend is a friend when it is convenient and when it is not. They stand by you consistently both when you are present and when you are not. They’re Authentic and Honest with You. True friends aren’t phony with you. They show you who they really are.
A lot of people think that true friends are the ones who make your problems disappear. They seem to think true friends are going to reveal things about intimacy that no one else can. There seems to be this idea that yes things will be hard but true friends will always be by your side, because friendship really is all you need and it’s unbreakable. And the thing is, that’s all sort of true. Not true but, well, sort of true.
There are so many moments where, being there with my closest friends, even in silence…I could just feel it, feel that my problems were disappearing, feel that I’ve reached a level of intimacy, both intellectual and emotional, that I thought unthinkable before. I could just sense it, that we would be friends forever, that we would be bonded for eternity.
Of course all of those are just feelings, and the world operates on logic. Logic dictates that these things are only partly true, depending on if you’re moving out of the country, if you have different life plans to your friends, if you’re alright with online communication or not, all these “ifs” dictate whether or not a friendship will last. The situation you’re in dictates whether friendship is the thing to solve all your problems. Finally, depending on if you’ve met the right people or not, you’ll have felt intense intimacy because of friendship.
But all of this hinges on the idea that this is real friendship. Below, is a table with a couple of pointers as to what constitutes a real friendship.
|Don’t disappear when you face problems||Make your problems disappear|
|Understand you and your opinions||Want you to think the same as they think|
|Accept you with all your flaws and advantages||Want you to change yourself for them|
|Feel happy when you achieve something||Are jealous when you achieve something|
|Try to help you and boost your mood when you are sad or unhappy||Leave and don’t answer on your calls and messages when you are sad or unhappy|
You have to differentiate between these things, otherwise you might always end up with fake friends. Now, here’s the thing, this isn’t an 100 percent complete guide, in fact there’s a certain joy in discovering these things for yourself and also discovering the exceptions to these rules.
For example, you might have a true friend you’ve known for a long time who is amazing for you, but you gain an award that they’ve always coveted and so of course there’s always going to be a bit of jealousy there, that friend is only human after all. If they weren’t a human being like you with flaws and times when they don’t always seem like the perfect friend then they wouldn’t be fun and you couldn’t relate to them.
Another example, sometimes your friends are busy and can’t help you boost your mood. Sometimes a friend just doesn’t have very good emotional intelligence and is trying to better themselves in this aspect but doesn’t feel ready to help you emotionally. There are many reasons why your friends might not fulfill every single rule and it’s for you to decide how to continue. It’s for you to decide what you need and don’t need from your friends and what they need from you and so what kind of people you’ll look for and what criteria you will use.
Another good rule is if you spend more time around them being happy and content rather than sad and anxious and whatever other negative emotion, then they’re probably not a toxic friend.
Would you rather have one real friend or fifty fake friends?
At first glance of course you’d say that it’s always better to have one real friend instead of 50 fake friends. But there are moments when fake friends are needed, it’s not ideal, but at times you have to be fake yourself. It’s sad but true. However that’s a whole other story.
My point was to say that it’s not always your fault for falling for fake friends as they’re a quick and easy solution for validation in the short term even if you end up suffering in the long term. Like I said above, we’re only human, it’s better to fix the things we don’t like than to blame ourselves for them.
If there’s anything you want to add, please comment down below as I’d love to hear from you!
(Follow me on my Instagram account by clicking HERE to be informed about the longest live video ever made on my Instagram profile where I will continue this post and talk about other themes.)
What can you do to support me?
Firstly, thank you for reading this blog post. To support me and my work you can follow me on my Instagram account and subscribe to my YouTube channel. You can do this by clicking the buttons bellow. Also subscribe to my newsletter to get an email every time I post something new on my blog. You can do this by entering your email address in the first widget on the sidebar. Take care!